I wrote this the other night.

It was Christmas day and I was sitting in the back seat of our van using my “new” laptop to start a draft on this letter. It was rather nice to just sit back and relax while traveling home after a very spread-out holiday. Our plan was to spend 5 days or so in Fairfield and then head home on Christmas day so Dad could take care of some things. However, it didn’t work out that way.

My mother’s mom, Grandma H. had fallen and broke her shoulder earlier in the week. Not surprising that got us all wondering whether we should go up there so Mom could help Grandma. Since the fall had thrown a wrench into Grandma’s plans, causing her to have to stay home and not travel, we definitely wanted to be with her. It was a good thing to be with Grandma. I hadn’t seen her in some time and I enjoyed talking with her and telling her about college.

Because of weather, our plans changed again. This time the change was to just stay at GH’s and wait out the storms. That let us take Mom with us to Fairfield. So traveling on Sunday we discovered great roads and made it to Fairfield earlier than we expected. That gave us an hour more time with family and we were able to help prepare the goat feast. Yes, you read aright, goat. Uncle Ed barbequed part of a goat and treated us to a different type of feast. Goat is pretty tasty, but it was a little tough. My family puts on some of the best feasts!

We had up to the 25th to spend with everyone. My uncle (the generous one who gave me his old laptop when he bought a new one) has been staying in the US for the past year. He and his wife are in Youth With A Mission and are preparing for the mission field in South Africa. They have lived in the UK for quite some time and having them close (well, closer than overseas) was very nice. Getting to see the boys (Josiah, 5, and Daniel, 3.) right before their trip to UK and then to South Africa, was a treat. It’ll be a long time until I get to see them again.

Then I got to see Uncle Ed’s family. I had seen Lemuel (5), and Bronwyn (4) when I visited in August, but it was very nice to see them again. They definitely know their big cousin. Both pairs of cousins think I am a tree to climb upon and I don’t do much to stop that. ;) God has blessed me with little ones who love me and I love them. I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to spend time with each set more.

My Grandma R. (Dad’s mom), is undergoing chemo. She’s had a pretty hard time of it and it was very good to get to see her. The festivities were wearing on her, but I was glad that she got to take part in it somewhat. She’s looking very frail and I don’t like what that radiation is doing. She’s got one or two treatments left and then hopefully will be able to recover and gain back the weight she lost.

This is actually pretty hard for me, even though I know my Grandmas are in God’s hands. I have a dream of my kids getting to sit on their great-grandma and listening to the same songs and stories that I heard when I was little. I don’t know if that will happen but I pray and hope that God has that in store for the future.

Break has been pretty good, though I’m starting to get ansy for the return to college. I’ve become independent (to the sorrow of my parents) and this lazing around is getting annoying. This term will be pretty cool with only 15 or so credits and no extra-curricular activities… (Hah! Like that will happen…) I will be working though. My contacts and eyestuff are getting expensive. Not to mention that catylayic converter that I just replaced. Looks like I’m going to have to work out a budget and stick to it. Another thing to exhibit self-control over…

I’m starting to realize.. again, how much I need people around to motivate me. I’ve had intentions of getting more biology read and some other things done, but I haven’t. Mostly I’ve sat around doing pretty much nothing. And that includes my spiritual life. I just started back on some praying last night. Sometimes I wonder why God is so patient with me. I do so much wrong and He still loves me and takes me back when I repent. Tis amazing to me!

The wonders of God are so beyond me. I haven’t been able to grasp even a small portion of his love and might. I have no hope to wrap my mind around even an atom of what He knows. It’s so amazing that this awesome God even created us in the first place! Why did He want to have these bipeds on this earth and fill them with His breath of life? Why did He let us sin and then died to take that sin away and give us the option to accept His gift? Why do I exist today and why have I taken these steps to walk in His path? What have I done? Why am I even typing this in?

I’ll tell you why… I’m human. I have that bell curve of ups and downs and some times I have doubts. They are surface doubts, because I know that I know that God is there and loves me soooooo much! Still, my mind needs to realized that God loves me soooo much! I love Him sooo much!

Now I need to put that love to practice. I need to take my sin and throw it away. Let God take care of it and give him the control. I have very little to do about it, beyond that initial choice to continue to obey Him. That’s good, ‘cause I would have a horrible time doing anything besides obeying Him, and that’s tough enough.

God, you are so awesome. I’ve done so much trash and I’ve let it take me into those pits of despair and I’ve let that mud blind me. Lord, wash my eyes. Let me see you. Let me walk your path with your arms around me. Let me see that You have my life planned out and that I don’t have to worry about getting a job, that I don’t have to hold on to my sin, that I don’t have to do all this on my own. You are in control and I think I’m glad about that. My life would be horrible if I didn’t have this faith in You. Thank you. You are sooo awesome and I love you Lord. Amen.

Hmmmm… That’s the most transparent that I’ve been on here since I’ve gone to college. That’s going to change though. I’m going to let a little out and I won’t let it worry me.