What happens when you sit down to research a paper and get so interested in a book that you read it cover to cover? One result is that you actually get the whole point of the book rather than just searching for good quotables. Another is that you actually learn something. This just happened with my research for a Marriage and Family paper. I picked up Gary Smalley and John Trent's book The Language of Love and it really piqued my interest.
The premise is that there is a way to bridge that gap between men and women, that gap of communication. The way to do that is to build word pictures, emotional word pictures, to describe how one feels. What are word pictures and how do they work? Word pictures are what I usually call analogies, such as I feel like a smashed toad stretched out on a highway. Smalley and Trent say that using word pictures at the right time and with the right intentions can trigger a deep understanding of issues when mere words don't.
For example, Smalley talked about how he asked his wife to write a chapter in a book he was writing. She kept avoiding writing it and they had some arguements about that. Eventually she used a word picture of her daily life being like a hike up some hills with a twenty pound pack on - something she enjoyed. However, being asked to write this chapter was like being asked to climb those hills and climb the local mountain. That picture allowed her husband to see the pressure that this added to her life and he let her off the hook. Communication had ocurred. (funny thing though, once the pressure was off, she wrote the chapter *grins*).
The first half of the book explores how to discover word pictures and use them, mostly in marriage. Then the authors begin to talk about how word pictures improve communication in any setting, ie. business, friends, and parent-child relationships. A word picture, if chosen correctly, can get through to a stubborn adolescent when a lecture won't help.
One of the ways to make a word picture is to choose one that relates to the person who you're talking to. For example, I wouldn't use a sports related word picture with my dad 'cause sports evokes negative feelings in him. I would rather use a farming or pastoral word picture to get my feelings across. Timing is also important. Don't just use it in the middle of an arguement or while the person is doing what you don't like. Practice it and use it when it'll be most effective.
Lastly, word pictures can be used incorrectly and can tear down rather than build up. Comparing a child to an accident waiting to happen or telling them that they'd always be a fourth string player is emotionally damaging. Be careful about how you use word pictures.
Word pictures can be very useful in a marriage or in any type of relationship where you need to communicate. As in most communication, thinking before you use them is needed.
After reading this book, I think I'm going to be more conscious in using word pictures. I can already think of a conversation that a word picture would have worked well in.
So yeah, I think I'm adding this to my to-buy list.
The premise is that there is a way to bridge that gap between men and women, that gap of communication. The way to do that is to build word pictures, emotional word pictures, to describe how one feels. What are word pictures and how do they work? Word pictures are what I usually call analogies, such as I feel like a smashed toad stretched out on a highway. Smalley and Trent say that using word pictures at the right time and with the right intentions can trigger a deep understanding of issues when mere words don't.
For example, Smalley talked about how he asked his wife to write a chapter in a book he was writing. She kept avoiding writing it and they had some arguements about that. Eventually she used a word picture of her daily life being like a hike up some hills with a twenty pound pack on - something she enjoyed. However, being asked to write this chapter was like being asked to climb those hills and climb the local mountain. That picture allowed her husband to see the pressure that this added to her life and he let her off the hook. Communication had ocurred. (funny thing though, once the pressure was off, she wrote the chapter *grins*).
The first half of the book explores how to discover word pictures and use them, mostly in marriage. Then the authors begin to talk about how word pictures improve communication in any setting, ie. business, friends, and parent-child relationships. A word picture, if chosen correctly, can get through to a stubborn adolescent when a lecture won't help.
One of the ways to make a word picture is to choose one that relates to the person who you're talking to. For example, I wouldn't use a sports related word picture with my dad 'cause sports evokes negative feelings in him. I would rather use a farming or pastoral word picture to get my feelings across. Timing is also important. Don't just use it in the middle of an arguement or while the person is doing what you don't like. Practice it and use it when it'll be most effective.
Lastly, word pictures can be used incorrectly and can tear down rather than build up. Comparing a child to an accident waiting to happen or telling them that they'd always be a fourth string player is emotionally damaging. Be careful about how you use word pictures.
Word pictures can be very useful in a marriage or in any type of relationship where you need to communicate. As in most communication, thinking before you use them is needed.
After reading this book, I think I'm going to be more conscious in using word pictures. I can already think of a conversation that a word picture would have worked well in.
So yeah, I think I'm adding this to my to-buy list.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home