I was just thinking about friends that I haven't seen in awhile.I miss hanging out at Ryan and Kristine's. We had so much fun playing games and eating. And the occasional deep theological conversation. Miss you guys!!

Josh and Britt. You two are totally awesome!

As far as I know, both couples are going to be here for graduation. I'm looking forward to that!

Ah, I'm finally able to sit down and relax a bit. The only thing left in my old apartment is my bike and I'll get that tomorrow.

Here are some highlights from my move of three days...

• First day, first trip I made over to the new apartment, I forgot to set the emergency break. Now, it's not much of a slop, but enough that my car, set in neutral, started to roll. I looked out the window and saw it moving. I panicked, with the first thought of someone stealing my car going through my head. That wasn't the case, luckily. I think the group of guys standing around the parking lot had a good laugh at me though. *grins* I know I laughed!


• You know that I'm a bookophile when my books are the first thing that get unpacked.


• Today, my friend Jeremy came over to help with the larger stuff (he has a pickup). Well, I needed to tie stuff down, but didn't have any rope. My passenger seat was occupied by a microwave so Jeremy couldn't come with me to the Dollar Tree. I get there, get everything I need, and am about to pay for it, when I realise that I don't have my wallet. It's on the table in my apartment. Leaving the stuff at the register, I go back and grab the wallet. Twas rather embarrassing that here I had Jeremy to help me, but was delayed because of my forgetfulness.

My brother is traveling on Monday. He should be here around noon. It's going to be cool to have him as a roommate. I can't wait to show him around town and do things.

I'm sitting here, thinking. A dangerous thing for me sometimes. I'm thinking about conversations and the patterns they take. See, I just got off the phone with a guy that I haven't talked with in a long time. We started talking and looking back, I realized that I ended up doing a lot of the talking. I filled him in on a lot of the things going on in my life, what's happening with some of our mutual friends, and eventually we started talking a bit about his life. Then my battery died.

Then I was talking to someone else on IM and I noticed that I was the one directing the conversation, asking questions, and 'listenin' to his life. And our conversations tend to go that way. That's fine, 'cause that's the way our friendship is designed.

I'm about ready to go call another friend of mine and we'll probably have a good give and take conversation without too much of having to ask questions.

It's interesting how people communicate according to their personalities and what's going on in their lives. When I'm talking to someone, I am genuinely interested in what is going on in their lives, and I'll ask questions to find out. Others don't do that. I've noticed with a couple of guys that I try to hang out with, that I'll ask questions, they'll answer, and that'll be that. A real conversation is extremely hard in that position.

I think in a good conversation you have to have people who are willing to talk and listen equally. Not only listen, but pick up on clues in the conversation and ask questions based on that. That's how a two minute exchange can turn into a half hour conversation.

Anyway, those are the thoughts running through this exhausted head.

Turns out that I didn't need to fast for a whole week. I was able to get my priorities straightened out a bit in less than that time.

I AM: Tired, stressed, moving from a one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom. Eating a frozen pizza.
I WANT: a personal transporter to transport all my goods to the other apartment. The test tomorrow to be canceled so I don't have to worry about it.
I WISH: that all my friends would move to Eugene and that we'd start a church.
I HATE: paying rent on two apartments. this stupid pop-up. feeling apathetic.
I LOVE: My God, my family, music, good books, sunny spring days, a good piece of Pazpa Murphy pizza, reading sci-fi...
I MISS: spending a lot of time with friends. Life has gotten too busy for all of us
I FEAR: Guillutine (sp)
I HEAR: the radio.
I WONDER: Where I'll be in six months, what the next phase of life is going to be like, and what a raw paprika looks like
I REGRET: Not putting the time in to make more friends while here at college
I AM NOT: Female. A carrot. Deaf.
I DANCE: in worship sometimes.
I SING: whenever I want to
I CRY: when something touches me deeply or when I'm extremely mad and frustrated (the latter doesn't happen very often)
I AM NOT ALWAYS: as I seem. Sometimes there's more to JC than what he shows on the surface.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: shadow puppets.
I WRITE: a Bible Devotional Journal at least once a week.
I CONFUSE: people with my wierd sense of humor
I NEED: to get done moving as soon as possible. A job.
I SHOULD: Be talking to my God more often than I do. Be packing. Be Studying for my test tomorrow.
I START: my car in the mornings.
I FINISH: the last cookie. everything I am involved in even though it may involve tears and sweat and late assignments.
I TAG: Brother David, Ryan G. (if he reads this), Heidi, Jen, Patrick
--
okay, the reason I'm moving is that my brother is coming to Eugene. We're going to get jobs and room together over the summer. So I have to move everything back over to the two bedroom side of the complex. *sigh* However, I am looking forward to spending time with my brother.

My life, honestly, stinks. Not because of anything anyone is doing to me, but what I am doing to myself. I've known for years that I have a lazy, apathetic streak in me. It's something that I have to fight daily. The last few weeks, I've barely been hanging on. Part of it does have to deal with my environment of living alone, without people to spur me on to social and mental interaction, but a lot of it is internal. I think I have a touch of depression, though I really don't know why I'm depressed.

I wake up in the morning and my first thought is "Dang, it's morning, I don't want to wake up." I would rather stay asleep and exist in my dreamworld than in reality. Eventually I get up, but I have no motivation. I get to class right on time and participate, yet that's the only highlight of my day. I go home and instead of doing the things I need to do (wash dishes, read homework, and search for a job) I sit around surfing the Internet, watching movies, and then sleep.

Right away I can point out what the problem is: I'm not focusing on God. I am living in a bubble of self and it is extremely hard to break out of that bubble. I come close every once in awhile, but I can't seem to shake this apathy.

I have a friend who wrote this awhile back on her blogger:

"I have a choice. Every morning when I rise I have a choice. Will I continue to choose the Wasted Life? Will I allow myself to stumble backward, every backward down the wrong paths, over and over again, choosing to accept lies and live lies and speak lies? Will I guide myself every farther from my Redeemer's waiting hand, and take instead the hands of blind men who willingly drag me down into the mire of wasted time, wasted life?

Or will I discipline myself to seek every waking hour the single Right, Narrow Path for my life. The life that fulfills a purpose higher than any I can personally conceive? The life that brings glory not to Abigail Kinkade, girl of many talents, but to God Almighty, Creator of Everything Good...?"

That leads me to ask whether I am living, as Abigail puts it, the Wasted Life? My life is supposed to be focused upon God, not upon the pleasure or pity of the moment.

Ah, but don't despair, because I'm not... I may be encumbered by the mud of the moment, but I see light and I know what I have to do to break out of this state I'm in. The first step is to discipline my Internet usage. Next week the school is asking the students to fast and prepare their hearts for Spiritual Growth Conference. I'll probably fast food on one of the days, but I think I need to limit my Internet usage next week to Email and Research. I'll also cut out movies. So starting on Sunday, I won't be online much. If you need to get ahold of me, email or call me.

I think it's time for a rededication of my life.

Yes, Josh, Joey is leaving, rather, Joey left on Saturday. I believe he's following God in this, yet I wish he could have stayed. I'm going to miss the guy. As to what he's doing with his life, you'll have to ask him.

To those who read this: Could you lift up a prayer for Chris R. and his family? His mother, his sister-in-law and her kids died in a car accident last night. Chris and his 20yo bother are pretty shook up. I believe they all knew Christ, but I'm not sure. Just pray for comfort and strength.

My heart breaks when friends have problems. I really wanted to go and hug Chris, but he left before I was able to. It's so hard when accidents take those we love...

In other news (yes, I actually have other news): I met with Mrs. C. today to set up my independent study. I'm really going to enjoy it. The book looks good and the structure of the course is excellent. We're meeting at 11 every tuesday. I'm happy!

This term is going to require a lot of time in the library. I have several Periodical Reports/Bibliographies, a research paper in each class, and a couple movies to watch in the library. This oughta be fun...

One last thing: Heidi posted something really funny and it has a point to it today.

It's interesting to look at my selection of books. You can tell that I'm a pastoral major - there's books on the Bible, Greek books, commentaries, Counseling, leadership books, and various other issue books. Hunh. Makes me wonder if I'm going to use all of these in the future.

Heh, and I went to a book sale today. I found a couple things on the Religion table. One was the history of Open Bible churches. I've been wanting to get a copy and a buck is a whole lot better than 14. I also bought a writing style book that Ms. L. swears by. We'll see if I ever read it or not. I found a copy of a book by Eisenhower that details D-Day (I think. I didn't look at it too closely. It talks about the war most definitely). I also found some children's classics that I remember enjoying. Gulliver's travels and Lassie Come Home. Not to mention the obligatory Star Wars books..

Ah, gotta love books.

And I now need to focus. I have two chapters to get through today.

Kate inspired me. She posted a picture of a bookshelf on Flickr and listed what books she had. Since I've needed to inventory my books anyways, I went ahead and did the same thing. I attempted to organize my books by subject, but when I realized that I barely had enough room on these shelves, I gave up. You can tell as you look down the shelves... If you want to see larger pictures, just go to my flickr account.

Most of these books were required for classes. Others I've picked up through the years. Some I've read all the way through, some I've just used as references, and some I have yet to read. Once I get out of school, I'm reading a lot of these to be read books!

Man, when I move again, I'm going to have to find a whole lot of small boxes to pack all this... And this is just my Non-Fiction shelf...

Top Shelf

Henry, Matthew - Commentary on the Bible: Six Volumes Sailhamer, John H. - Old Testament History
LaSor, William Sanford - Old Testament Survey: The Message, Form, and Background of the Old Testament
Baylis, Albert H. - From Creation to the Cross: Understanding the First Half of the Bible
Bullock, C. Hassell - An Introduction to the Old Testament Poetic Books
Miller, Stephen R. - The New American Commentary – Vol. 18 – Daniel
Limburg, James - Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching – Hosea – Micah
Achtemeier, Elizabeth - Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching – Nahum – Malachi
Duffield, Guy P. - Foundations of Pentecostal Theology
Gregg, Steve - Revelation Four Views: A Parallel Commentary

Second Shelf

Hurtado, Larry W. - New International Biblical Commentary: Mark
Lewis, C.S. - Reflections on the Psalms
Elwell, Walter A. - Encountering the New Testament Griffith-Jones, Robin - The Four Witnesses
Wagner, C. Peter - Acts of the Holy Spirit
Moo, Douglas - The NIV Application Commentary: Romans Gaebelein, Frank E. - The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Ephesians through Philemon Zodhiates, Spiros Th.D - The Complete Word Study New Testament
Kohlenberger III, John R. - The Greek-English Concordance to the New Testament
Mounce, William D. - The Analytical Lexicon to the Greek New Testament
Kubo, Sakae - A Reader’s Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament
Han, Nathan E. - A Parsing Guide to the Greek New Testament
Black, David Alan - It’s Still Greek to Me
Gringrich, F. Wilbur - A Shorter Lexicon of the Greek New Testament
Summers, Ray - Essentials of New Testament Greek
Mounce, William D. - Basics of Biblical Greek
Wallace, Daniel B. - Greek Grammar Beyond the Basics
Black, David Alan - Linguistics for Students of New Testament Greek
Carson, D.A. - The Inclusive Language Debate
Carson, D.A. - The King James Version Debate
Dana, H.E. Th.D. - A Manual Grammar of the Greek New Testament

Third Shelf

Deluxe Compact Disc New Testament – NASB
Novum Testamentum – Graece et Latinus (New Testament in both Greek and Latin)
New Testament Greek Vocabulary – Jonathan Pennington Life Application Study Bible – NASB
NIV Bible
Spirit Filled Life Bible for Students – NKJV
TNIV Bible
The Daily Bible – NIV
The Student Bible – NIV
Ortberg, John - Groups: the life-giving power of community
Brother Yun - The Heavenly Man
LeLaCheur, Dan - The Legacy Lives On
Choy, Leona - Andrew Murray
Nasar, Sylvia - A Beautiful Mind
Pearcey, Nancy - Total Truth
Colson, Charles - How Now Shall We Live?
Marshall, Peter - The Light and the Glory
Klein, William W. - Introduction to Biblical Interpretation
Hendricks, Howard - Living By the Book
Anthony, Michael J. - Foundations of Ministry
Gentle, Ernest - Worship God!
Aland, Kurt - The Greek New Testament: 4th Ed.
Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary – 10th Ed.

Fourth Shelf

Stott, John - Between Two Worlds
Kreider, Larry - The Cry for Spiritual Fathers and Mothers
Frye, John W. - Jesus the Pastor
McBride, Neal F. - How To Lead Small Groups
Benner, David G. - Strategic Pastoral Counseling
Ogden, Greg - Transforming Discipleship
Mittelberg, Mark - Building a Contagious Church
Lloyd, Dan S. - Leading Today’s Funerals
Wagner, C. Peter - Your Spiritual Gifts Can Help Your Church Grow
Pirolo, Neal - Serving As Senders
Stanley, Andy - The Next Generation Leader
Broadus, John A. - On the Preparation and Delivery of Sermons
Collins, Gary R. Ph.D - Christian Counseling
Gonzalez, Justo L. - The Story of Christianity: Volume 1 and Volume 2 (loaned out at this point)
Duke, Irene - The Everything Sign Language Book
Jacobus, Lee A. - A World of Ideas
Litfin, Duane - Public Speaking: A Handbook for Christians
Jones, Tom B. - From the Tigris to the Tiber
Gage, John T. - The Shape of Reason
Brilhart, John K. - Effective Group Discussion
El Mahdy, Christine - Mummies, Myth and Magic
Gies, Frances - Life in a Medieval Village
August, Roland - Cruelty and Civilization: The Roman Games
Grunlan, Stephen A. - Christian Perspectives on Sociology
Ballenger, Bruce - The Curious Researcher
Gibaldi, Joseph - MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers
Sire, James W. - The Universe Next Door
Morris, Thomas - Philosophy for Dummies

Bottom Shelf

Gideon New Testaments (2)
Pocket Bible – NKJV
Minister’s Manual: Volumes I, II, and III
Chapin, Alice - Little Book of Big Bible Promises
Green, Melody - No Compromise: The life story of Keith Green
Osborn, T.L. - New Miracle Life Now
Ryle, J.C. - Thoughts for Young Men
Peterson, Eugene - The Message of Hope: Selected Readings from the Message
Chambers, Oswald - My Utmost for His Highest
Nash, Ronald - Worldviews in Conflict
Bettenson, Henry - Documents of the Christian Church
Anderson, Leith - Becoming Friends with God
Joyner, Rick - The Torch and the Sword
The Call
The Final Quest
Graham, Billy - Peace with God
McCary Rhodes, Tricia - At The Name of Jesus
Murray, Andrew - Humility
Roberts, Ted - Pure Desire
Arterburn, Stephen - Every Man’s Battle
Cooke, Graham - The Secret of a Powerful Inner Life
Anderson, Neil T. - The Bondage Breaker
Sarfati, Jonathan. Ph.D - Refuting Evolution 2
Evans, Mike - God Wrestling
Harris, Joshua - Boy Meets Girl
Tenney, Tommy - Finding Favor with the King
Hayford, Jack - The Beauty of Spiritual Language
Sheets, Dutch - Intercessory Prayer
Laflin, Robert - Duped
Story, Dan - Defending Your Faith
Eugene Bible College Yearbooks 2003-2005
Powell, Thomas A. - The Complete Reference HTML: Third Edition
Goll, James - God Encounters

well, I registered today for classes.

MWF: No 1st or 2nd periods. 3rd is Chapel. 4th is Introduction to Ethics. Fifth, after lunch, is free, and 6th at 2 is Ministry Integration.

Tue. Thurs: 1st is Learning Skills (I would have had no 1st or 2nd if I didn't think I needed this. for the last year, I haven't taken it and classes have been harder. I haven't been able to concentrate as well.) 3rd is Church Business Administration.
Tuesday I have a 1 credit Leadership practicum class.


Independant Study: Marriage and Family. I don't know when I'll be doing this, but I need to get ahold of the teacher

External Study: Major Hebrew Prophets - Hopefully I will finish this by the middle of the month. I have to have it done by May 19th 'cause it takes time for the paperwork to transfer the credits in.

Total 14 credits. Not bad for my last term.

Let's see, most of my books were bought online. I did have to buy one in the bookstore, and I haven't received all my others. I should have them by the end of the week. I also bought a new Bible. I've been wanting a TNIV for reference for awhile and this one was only $20. *grins* I almost bought a NRSV, but it was a little more than I wanted to pay right now.

Well, I guess it's time to sit down and start my external study... *sigh* Break is officially over!

Good morning! Yes, it's almost eight in the morning. I didn't realize today was Dalight Savings Time until looking at Chera's blog... I ended up getting up around 5ish(really 6ish) because my upstairs neighbor has taken to playing this really annoying repetitive bass stuff at that time. If I wasn't on break, it'd just help me wake up, but I'm still on break! I want to be in bed. Oh well.

I fixed a breakfast burrito that didn't really work. Not only did I not have enough cheese, it was too soggy and fell apart. So really, I had scrambled eggs on a totilla.

I really can't fool you guys. There's only one piece of truth in that April Fools post and that is that Joey is leaving. That still bums me out.

I got 4.0 in both of the classes that turned in their grades. The Module class hadn't done that yet, so I got an Incomplete in there. We'll see whether I got an A or a B in that class. My apartment is doing well, though I need to clean. Tomorrow is Registration and I get to register for my last classes at EBC. *shakes oneself* Kinda hard to believe...

Man... Today has just been awful. I got my grades back. I flunked all my classes. Talked to Financial aid and something went wrong in my account so I have to come up with 4000 by registration. I honestly don't know what to do.

To top it off, I talked to my apartment managers. They were upset at me working on my car in the parking lot this week and told me that I had a month left in this apartment complex and then I had to leave. That was upsetting....Though, now that the stove has quit working and the hot water is intermittant, I guess I'm not too sad.

It's sad, I thought I was going to be here for at least one more term, graduate, and then find a job somewhere. Now... I don't know what's going to happen. I'll probably head back to Madras and try and get a job to raise money for the last term...

To top it off, my friends are all leaving... Joey is leaving. Jason and Michelle got a sweet job offer in Hawaii. Reese and Alicia never came back from their honeymoon. *sigh*

So yeah, I'm in that panicked mood and don't know how I'm going to get to sleep.
































Or not. Check the date.

*grins*