I'm kinda out of it tonight. This week has been a fun week, starting with housesitting, running to Portland, painting a magnetic chalkboard on a friend's wall, learning that the job I was hoping for didn't work out, juggling schedule to find out when the best time to go to Redmond would be, finding out that the people who I was juggling my schedule around weren't going to be here tonight, cooking London Broil, figuring out the barbecue's hot setting is really hot, filling out applications, and finally, going to bed soon to get up and go to Redmond tomorrow.

This is the five hundredth post on this blogger. I've been posting since Tuesday, April 23rd, 2002. Four years, two months, and five days have gone by since the creation of this blog. Amazing. To mark this moment, I'm going back in time to see how my life has progressed.

April 23rd, 2002
*grins* Ya know what? I think I have just to surf around and an answer appears ...

May 20th, 2002
Good morning America!! JC is up and about on his day off! I woke up at 8 and devoured my cereal, then I went for a walk with my dog...

June 25th, 2002
I just finished reading Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by the pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle. Very cool book! That is a church that was built upon a solid foundation -- prayer...

July 8th, 2002
My heart is bteaking for an online friend and her family. Janene's brother and his friend drowned yesterday...

August 24th, 2002
It was so cool to see Bonnie, Samuel, and Anna. They were a sight for my friend-deprived eyes! We left the terminal, and I was hit with the humity and the heat! wow!...

September 25th, 2002
Hey, I am now sitting in my dorm room, listening to Carman, and thinking that writing email when I don't have a dial tone doesn't work out very well for sending email.

October 26th, 2002
I'm glad I went to Sharis. I just got back from 5 hours of reading my books. I'm pretty much caught up now. I might do something similar tomorrow and try and get ahead a bit so that this doesn't happen again. ...

November 02, 2002

Well, I got to meet another RIer today! Elizabeth aka kittiecat, had been in California for a few days helping her aunt move in. Her family stopped by and we went over to the local Arby's. It was fun just talking with the family and sipping a strawberry shake. *grins*...

December 31st, 2002
It was Christmas day and I was sitting in the back seat of our van using my "new" laptop to start a draft on this letter. It was rather nice to just sit back and relax while traveling home after a very spread-out holiday...

January 19th, 2003
I like extended weekends. It enables me to put off school until the last minute....

February 26th, 2003
I'm also going to have no internet access from my room . my contract ran out yesterday (though for some reason I'm still online... *shrugs* )...

March 4th, 2003
A group of us from EBC went to a Creation Seminar by Kent Hovind. This guys is one of the top creationist speakers in America. He’s on the same level as Ken Ham and Henry Morris. His delivery is quite interesting. As Miles, the guy who put on the ebc creation seminar, uses Kent’s stuff, I was already familiar with some of the examples. I didn’t learn a whole lot more than what I already know, but I’m trying to soak in as much C vs E stuff that I can...

April 23rd, 2003
*sigh*
Just sitting here in the student center, trying to get some research done, but not succeeding much. It's getting too late and I think I'm going to have to turn this assignment in late. :(

//End of First Year on Blogger//

May 24th, 2003
Quiz - Pink: You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.

June 12th, 2003
God has used the unique experience of dormlife to work on my patience. He used a girl here who was going tthrough emotional crisies one after another to show me how far I would go to help someone and that I had to totally rely on God. He used papers and assignments to build my self-discipline. And He brought godly friends into my life to keep me accountable and to grow me. I've learned the importance of keeping myself in God's light no matter how busy or how sleepy I am.

July 25th, 2003
Humilty
That is another issue. I didn't realize that my selfishness is actually rooted in pride. Do you know that pride is a desire to do things on your own and to not let Christ have everything? It's rather convicting actually...

August 23rd, 2003
Work - I think the honeymoon is over. It's no longer fun to work there. Don't ask me why, but I've been stressed out majorly the last week or so. But good news on that front! I gave my two weeks notice last night. My last day will be Sept. 6th. While BK has been a good place to work, besides the fact that I didn't get enough hours, I'm ready to leave.

September 23rd, 2003
Greek - yes, you heard right, I'm taking Greek. I've had two classes already and I'm convinced it's what God wants for me. There are so many issues out there that I can find the truth about and be able to share. It's a tool that I know God is going to use in my ministry.

October 12th, 2003
I got back from shopping and set up the computer. Then I did homework for a few hours. About 11:40 or maybe after midnight the fire alarm went off. I get out of bed, put my slippers on, grabbed my coat and headed out the door. BUT…. As I started to open it, one of the RA’s opened it on me. Crunch! Ouch. As I hobbled down the stairs thinking that I just had a bad stubbed toe, I realized that my nail was bent backwards. (as I realized this, I told my RA that and he was starting to feel really bad. He officially felt bad when I took the slipper off). So we get to the flag pole and I sit down and look at my nail.. Yes it was bent back. Yes it was bleeding a bit. Yes some of the guys freaked out. So the RA’s, the head resident and I went into the building and I pulled the nail the rest of the way out. It wasn’t too bad actually. Because that was my worst fungused nail, it broke off instead of being deep. We hydrogen proxided it and bandaged it.

November 25th, 2003
I'm actually in Madras right now. I had missed my first class (late night last night) and went to my second class. I was sitting in the cafeteria thinking about skipping chapel and my last class when I realized that it was rainging. If it's raining, it must be snowing on the pass and I don't want to get stuck in Eugene for Thanksgiving. So, I went and filled up my gas tank, got my tires aired up, bought some chains and left Eugene around 10:46 or so. I got to Santiam Pass and yes indeed, I had to chain up.

December 20th, 2003
Feeling: Happy; Mellow
Listening to: Hesitation Blues by the Waybacks

January 20th, 2004
current homework - Well, I have a 4-5 single spaced paper due in two weeks that I need to get started on sometime. Plus a greek test tomorrow. Oh and I have a Tirade Speech outline due in less than a week and then the speech is a week from Friday. So take your pick...

February 14th, 2004
I watched a really cool movie last night. A Beautiful Mind. It's about this guy who's a genius and who can solve problems like a piece of cake. He's rather reclusive and is recruited to find a code in magazines. It's scary sometimes, but it really makes you think. Oh and it's based on a true story.

March 27th, 2004

Don't you hate it when you're lying in bed and profound thoughts are going through your head, but you just want to sleep, so you don't get up and write a blog post? That happened to me last night

April 19, 2004
I open this log with the knowledge that my hours are numbered. 0 through 24. 24 down to 0. Why must this be? Why must every hour be numbered, even though I be but mortal? I know not why I must be tormented so! Mayhap it is because I turned Veggie Tales’ tune on and sang to them. If that be so, I so formally repent. May that said event never happen again. But wait! The hours are still numbered! What must I do to remove said numbers?! If it requires torture, I shall be tortured! If it requires a quest to the ends of the earth, I shall embark on that quest! If it requires listening to hours and hours of Country Music, I shall…. *strikes pose* Wait, eh… Never mind, it’s not that important.

*walks off stage*

//End of Second Year with Blogger//

May 13th, 2004
Quote from Josh's niece Abby today when asked who I was: "A bear."

June 19th, 2004
here I am, typing a blogger post right before leaving for Eugene. This week was needed so that I could take a break from Eugene and the routine there, but I am now ready to go back and get back into the routine.

July 25th, 2004
I just immersed myself in movies. *grins* Ryan and Kristine let me stay at their house over the weekend while they were gone. I watched some very interesting films.

August 22nd, 2004
Listening to: Stephen and Mrs. B. talking about the game of Stratego that they just played and also to the snores of Mr. B. *grins*

September 28th, 2004
The Freshmen arrived on the 19th. That was a lot of fun to see the new faces, check them in, and get to pray with them.

October 24, 2004
I really don't know know what to write at the moment. Nothing spectactular has occurred, nothing is broken on my car, and I haven't died... My life is pretty much routine right now... Three tests next week to study for. A paper due on Monday to write... and people to hang out with...

November 11th, 2004
I love Element X! we have some very good improv people. I wish I had the words to describe how fun it is.

December 04, 2004
I know that it’s a surprise to actually see a post on this blogger. Ever since the arrest, I have been rather quiet and for good reason! Internet access is closely monitored and it’s only been after months of good behavior that I’ve been able to get online. (read that archive to get the context)

January 25th, 2005
I hung out with Josh today. We went to JC Penney's and I used my gift card that had 15 dollars on it. Turns out that the shirt that I finally decided on (what is it about JCP that makes it hard for me to find anything?!) had an extra clearance on it besides what it had in the first place. So I got a 20 or 30 dollar shirt for 10 dollars. Pretty cool.

February 18th, 2005
t's going to be an interesting weekend. I'm in my friend Jame's wedding and rehearsal is tonight at 5:30. Then the wedding is at 2pm tomorrow. They have me in a TUX!!! It's a black jacket and pants, with a purple bow tie and vest. It's going to be quite interesting...

March 29th, 2005
Break was good. It was nice to have other drivers for the long drive down. Josh drove on the way down and Joey drove on the way to Madras. I was happy to let them, 'cause I got to sleep!

April 21st, 2005
Life has kinda come to a standstill for me this past week. Friday I was starting to feel ill and then it hit me full force on Saturday.

//End of Third Year//

May 17th, 2005
The Romans crowded into the Coliseum to see fights to the death, execution of criminals, and the wild animals tear eachother and humans to pieces. We sit down and watch CSI which deals with death and graphic murder; we watch Survivor which is all about backstabbing and breaking trust; we get fanatical about sports and which team is the best. It's something interesting to think about...

June 18th, 2005
Now this is why I like coming home - the smell and the taste of chocolate chip cookies. My growing up years are full of these smells and tastes. She has this recipe that is simply to die for!

July 17th, 2005
There's something about watching children worship God. There is an innocence that says "here I am God, I love You." I watched a little girl today, probably around 10-11 dance in worship to God. I watched a group of about 20 kids go up to the altar to worship. Watching one girl pray while the song was playing really touched me. These kids honestly were worshiping God. They love the Creator.

August 21, 2005

..crowds of kids excited for camp..adults sending their young ones away for the week..sweat dripping from my brow as I help pack the bus..bus ride of noise..

September 08, 2005
Do you ever feel like you're pushing through mud in order to get to where God wants you? Circumstances, emotions, distractions, all seem to be slogging you down? That's where I'm at today. I've been sooo excited about getting an apartment and getting settled and then starting school and seeing where God is taking me this year. Well, being approved for the apartment is taking a long time, mainly because we didn't get some paperwork done with the financial aid office at EBC. That of course is depressing me.

October 10th, 2005
Yes, you may ask why the author of the Redwall books is in my most recent post. I'll tell you. He was in Eugene on Saturday and I got to go to Barnes and Noble and see him. He gave a half-hour presentation and then signed books. I learned a lot about him... One, his last name is pronounce JAKES! I have always wondered that. Two, he has a delightful way with the kids. All the kids were sitting on the floor up front and he talked mostly to them. A few of the jokes were above their heads, but they enjoyed his story telling.

November 25th, 2005
I'm sitting in my dad's recliner with a puring cat on me, listening to the conversation Dad is having with my uncle about straw bale houses. It's a relaxing day after thanksgiving day. I love coming over the mountains and enjoying family time. It's especially nice this time because I'm seeing family that I haven't seen in 3 years. Last night, Bronwyn 6, randomly came up and gave me a hug. My heart melted! I miss spending time with my cousins.

December 25th, 2005
I love Christmas. There's just something about being with family, celebrating Christ, that brings joy into my life. This year has been tough for all of us to enter in, but yesterday I really felt the joy of this season.

January 19th, 2006
Yesterday was amazing, weather wise that is. I woke up just before Reece got back from working out. He offered a ride and I took one look out my window and accepted. It was pouring and there was a large puddle well on its way to becoming a lake in our parking lot. The rest of the day I watched the rain come down and down and down. EBC has a pond and it was filled to overflowing.

February 10th, 2006
I don't know if I mentioned on here that I'm moving out of this two bedroom in March. My roommate is getting married and I decided that instead of them looking for another apartment, I would do that instead. So I talked to our manager and he said that there was one coming open the second week of march. I put the reservation fee on it and will be moving in around the 10th of march. It's a one bedroom and I'm looking forward to having my own place.

March 23rd, 2006
I'm in a wedding on Sat. Reece and Alicia are finally getting hitched and I'm one of the groomsmen. At least I don't have to wear a tux, though they do have me in a tie... *grins* It'll be fine though.

April 26th, 2006
I CRY: when something touches me deeply or when I'm extremely mad and frustrated (the latter doesn't happen very often)
I AM NOT ALWAYS: as I seem. Sometimes there's more to JC than what he shows on the surface.

//End of fourth Year//

Wow! I've had an incredible four years. Reading these posts really reminded me of the journey this college experience has taken me on. I've changed alot, been on some bumpy roads, yet God has always been faithful. I think I can look forward to more of the same.

Heather did this on her blog and it seemed like a fun thing to do, especially with my random music.
--
Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question even if they don't make sense.


How am I feeling today?: Homesick by MercyMe (not a bad description if we're talking about my heavenly home...)

Will I get far in life?: Unknown by Lifehouse (Either the title is unknown or they really have that song. Kinda interesting answer though)

How do my friends see me?: Beverly Hills Cop Theme (Really? I'm a loud mouth black dude who has problems with following orders?)

Where will I get Married?: World Machine by Code of Ethics (That's a little creepy. Reminds me of The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy)

What is my best friend's theme song?: Away from You by The O.C. Supertones

What is the story of my life?: We Thank You for Everything, Jesus by A Servant of God (That fits)

What is/was highschool like?: Socially Acceptable by DC Talk (I was not! I resent that!)

How can I get ahead in life?: Another Letter by Send the Begger (hmmm... True. The more letters written the more contacts.)

What is the best thing about me?: Those Words are not Enough by Reliant K. (Eh.. Try and interpret that one)

What is today going to be like?: With Every Breath by City on a Hill

What is in store for this weekend?: If I Stand by Rich Mullins

What song describes my parents?: Bells are Ringing by They Might be Giants (okay, I don't think my parent's even know that band. Though this is a cool song...)

To describe my grandparents?: What is this thing called Love by Delirious

How is my life going?: Shut Up by Five Iron Frenzy (How Rude!)

What song will they play at my funeral?: Arnold and Willis and Mr. Drummond by Five Iron Frenzy (That'd be a strange song at a Funeral..)

How does the world see me?: The Promise of Your Cross by Matt Redman ( not bad)

Will I have a happy life?: End of the World by DC Talk (*cringes* Oh no! The world is going to end! Run!!!)

What do my friends really think of me?: Undagrownd Intro by Josh Laflin

Do people secretly lust after me?: Has Anyone Seen My Dog? By the Muppets of Sesame Street (That's just disturbing)

How can I make myself happy?: The Wonderful Cross by Chris Tomlin (I'll agree with setting my sins at the foot of that.)

What should I do with my life?: Staple it Together by Jack Johnson (I didn't know it was torn...)

Will I ever have children?: Old Friend by the O.C. Supertones (What's that supposed to mean?)

What is some good advice for me? Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda by Petra (Oh really)

How will i be remembered?: You Split the Earth by Delirious (I didn't know I was going into Nuclear Physics....)

What is my signature dancing song?: Basic Instructions by Burlap to Cashmere (I could dance to that)

What is my current theme song?: So Help Me God by DC Talk (I can agree with that)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?: Change a Heart, Change the World by Jump 5 (hmmm... Interesting...)

What type of men/women do you like?: Losing Hope by Jack Johnson (Am Not!)

--
Heh. that was fun.

Me

Me
Originally uploaded by jcforgod.

I just uploaded a few pictures of graduation. Enjoy!

I'm sitting here in my apartment sweating like a pig (which, btw, do pigs really sweat?). Eugene has finally hit summer time. It's 97 degrees out there and definitely a sweltering furnace. I'm such a wimp! Days like these are really hard for me to do anything in.

Today has been a great, productive day. I sorted my papers on my desk. The desk had piles and piles of stuff and I needed to clean it. I threw away about half a big box of stuff.

This has been a very interesting weekend. Jack and Lisa had me housesitting for the weekend. Then they flew to Salt Lake. Things happened and then Jack flew back and I had to take a trip up to Portland to pick him up yesterday. We then ate a roast that David had prepared. Jack and Brian were there and we had a great time. Later, we taught Brian how to play Canasta. It was fun.

We just visited with anne on her way to La

Me

Me
Originally uploaded by jcforgod.

Just a teaser for when I upload more pictures of graduation. This was at the Orginal Roadhouse. I had a 6oz Filet Mignon with Blue Cheese on it! It was very, very, very tasty. That was a fun dinner with my family. I really enjoyed talking with my Grandma and Great-Uncle.

I had my interview. It went well. I don't know whether I'll get the job, because they are screening applicants and conducting interviews. I was told that there might be a possible second interview next week. I hope, if they are going to do that, that they call tomorrow or Monday. I'd rather not put in other applications, 'cause this is where I want to work. But, starting monday, if I don't hear otherwise, I'm going to keep looking. I did put in an application today at picture people. We'll see how that goes.

Well, I'm going to an interview today! *grins* I am feeling very positive about this. The interview is at 10 and if you see this before then, please pray.

I really feel like today has been a profitable day. Not only did I get that 100 things list done, I also picked up my room a bit, bought a MP3 player with David's gift certificate, and submitted my cover letter and resume to a RV Glass place. What's cool is that I got a call back later in the afternoon for a phone interview. He wanted to know all about my customer service skills and I got to explain my abilities. I felt good after talking to him.

The job is a full time, M-F job. That's exactly what I wanted 'cause I have church and CCG on Sunday and really don't want to work on the weekend. I'm not sure of the salary and I think there might be benefits, but I have no clue. I'm hoping for a call tomorrow for an in-person interview. That'd be so cool! I'd appreciate prayers.

I cooked a stir-fry with the left-over veggie tray and some chicken. Turned out pretty good for almost burning. David liked it.

David and I played a game of Risk tonight. This game is the one I bought on Ebay awhile back. What's funny is that it's exactly like what I learned on, except that the pieces are Roman Numerals. Now I thought that was a bit strange but after playing with those pieces, I think they make since. They're easier to grab than those small men that the newer games have. I guess I'm a fan of this 1975 Risk game.

I've decided to try and budget money each month to buy a game. That'd be pretty cool to have a bunch of board games to play with my friends.

I'm taking a page from Danika and Chera and posting about 100 things. Watch carefully or at least read carefully.

1. It is 8:33pm as I start this list.
2. My contacts have been cloudy today.
3. My eyes have been reacting to allergies lately.
4. I believe #3 is the reason for #2.
5. I enjoyed hanging out at CCG tonight.
6. The nuts in the chocolate cake actually didn't bother my tongue.
7. I wonder what kind of nuts those were, 'cause walnuts (the usual fare for that sort of thing) really bother my tongue.
8. I have a geographic tongue that gets sores on it when I eat certain foods that have certain textures.
9. I'm hungry.
10. A cheese quesadilla sounds good.

11. It's 8:38 and I'm taking a dinner break.
12. It's 9:06pm the next day and I'm returning from a very long dinner, breakfast, and almost the entire day of Monday.
13. I'm eating grapes which are nice and sweet.
14. My brother gave me an ebay gift certificate.
15. I'm trying to see if it will work on half.com since they are the same company.
16. It won't. You have to buy a specific half.com gift certificate.
17. Thus I have to buy something from ebay.
18. I watched the new Shaggy Dog today with Tim Allen.
19. It was extremely funny. I got a big kick out of Tim Allen acting like a dog.
20. I'm getting tired of Over the Hedge previews.

21. I got a haircut today.
22. I also trimmed down to a gotee.
23. I miss my full beard.
24. Tomorrow I hit the street and start looking for a job.
25. I would like a full time job that pays $10 or more an hour and I'd love benefits!
26. Jen says that this picture reminds her of Conspiracy Theory.
27. I just added that movie to my Netflicks Queue.
28. I went to Court Sports Fitness Center today and asked about their programs.
29. They have a summer special I might take part in, though the year contract is tempting.
30. I really need to exercise and I'm thinking that's the best thing for my graduation money.

31. I have a free pass that the lady gave me.
32. I may use it this weekend.
33. My most worn color is navy.
34. I also like dark green and dark red/maroon/burgundy.
35. I really, really, really need to clean my room.
36. I also need to wash clothes.
37. and dishes.
38. I did take a shower this morning so I don't need to wash me! *grins*
39. I am graduated!!!
40. A 3.60 landed me Magna Cum Laude!

41. I liked that.
42. I got a lot of hugs that night.
43. I like hugs.
44. Speaking about hugs, I love my church 'cause everyone hugs everyone else.
45. In fact, our greeter hugs even if he barely knows you.
46. We had service at a new location this last sunday.
47. It had a lot more room and a built in stage for the worship team.
48. I'm looking forward to seeing God use us in this building.
49. I miss having some of my friends around.
50. However, I do like talking to them on the phone.

51. I briefly talked to Josh about where Rebecca's beauty college was.
52. I went out there, but didn't see a place to park and the building looked closed.
53. Instead I went to Great Clips for a hair cut.
54. The day will come.
55. I don't know the specific day, but it will come!
56. I need to quit for tonight.
57. It's 10:47pm on Monday night.
58. I didn't spend all that time writing.
59. I also browsed Ebay, made a move on Gameknot, and drunk a can of grape soda.
60. It is now 7:22AM on Tuesday morning.

61. I just bought a 128MB MP3 player with the certificate from David. Thanks!
62. I do not feel awake at this moment.
63. I just decided that I miss the B's and would really like them to come visit!
64. Which reminds me that I'm going to see Anne P. on Saturday.
65. She's moving to LA from Seattle and will stop by on her way down.
66. That further reminds me that it has been ages and ages since I've talked to Melissa.
67. Must call Melissa sometime.
68. I am currently reading the Firebird trilogy.
69. I don't know what I'll read after that.
70. I would like an extra five hundred or so dollars to go to NYC in September for my friend's wedding.

71. I probably should make a run up to the school today and check out whether they have all my last papers and whatnot.
72. This last term's grades are probably not very good.
73. Who cares? I'm done!!!!
74. My brother is talking to himself.
75. That's a scary thing.
76. Of course, I've always thought my brother was rather scary.
77. I'm running out of things to talk about.
78. Well, let's see... I could talk about news. But that's hard to do when you don't read the news.
79. I think Wal-Mart is taking over the world.
80. So is Microsoft.

81. I wonder if we're going to see a war between MS and WM.
82. Maybe Johnson and Johnson will end it with a big vat of baby shampoo.
83. That would be something to see.
84. Of course, Starbucks could be waiting in the wings to take over once the main players are out of the way.
85. We'll all be forced to live on Caramel Machiatos.
86. Which would get old, fast!
87. I think David just noticed the lack of spoons.
88. What color do smurfs turn if they hold their breath?
89. What if cartoons suddenly became real?
90. I claim the batmobile!

91. We're getting a kitty soon.
92. That's going to be a blast!
93. Why do some brands make whole milk have red labels and 2% have blue, when others make 2% pink?
94. That's confusing.
95. I demand an industry standard!!
96. Well, maybe not.
97. I think I didn't do this list right.
98. Was it supposed to be 100 things about me?
99. No way am I restarting this thing.
100. This was finished at 7:51am on Tuesday morning after a total of three attempts to finish it.

If you read through that, I'm impressed. You win a prize in the world of blogdom!

Here is the paper I've been working on for marriage and family about communication.
--
Every newly married couple wants to succeed at their marriage. They want to live long lives next to the man or woman of their dreams. But that dream and that desire starts to fade after the honeymoon. No matter how well you know the person you were engaged to, living with them and being married to them is an entirely new experience. That experience can be fraught with problems that could, if not dealt with, destroy a marriage. Gary Collins has five issues that cause marriages to falter: Faulty Communication, Underintegrated or Overintegrated relationships, Interpersonal Tension, External Pressures, and Boredom (410-413). For this paper I’m going to focus on the one that can cause the others to occur: Faulty Communication.

Communication is the basis of interpersonal relationships, and thus of marriage. When we need something, we communicate our need either verbally or in a non-verbal manner. This is how we live and there is no way to get around it. Communication consists of a sender and a receiver. As the conversation progresses, each person takes on both those roles. In a marriage communication is doubly important, because miscommunication can cause hurt feelings and hurt feelings when not communicated and dealt with, fester and cause a lot of serious problems. Communication is the way we deal with those hurt feelings.

Miscommunication

Miscommunication happens when the sender and the receiver are on two different wavelengths. The husband may be tired out from working all day, having used up his amount of words, yet the wife needs to talk about her day and be understood. Yet the husband zones out and doesn’t really listen. This frustrates the wife and either turns into an argument right then or festers in her heart. That’s miscommunication.

Miscommunication or faulty communication can also happen when there are hidden issues (such as unfulfilled expectations) that haven’t been dealt with. An example is when one person has the expectation that Saturdays are to be used for outings, but the other person just wants to relax, maybe work in the garden. That expectation, if not expressed, can lead to faulty communication and arguments.

Faulty communication also occurs because of filtering. Filtering is another problem in communication – hearing something different than what is actually said because of past experiences, expectations and emotions (Markman 51). Filtering can be caused by inattention, Emotional states, beliefs and expectation and differences in style of communication. These all mess with the action of communication and take effort to get past.

Faulty communication is also born out of a selfish desire, a focus on one’s self instead of the other person in the marriage. One becomes wrapped up in one’s self and that makes the partner into a means to an end. As James 4:1-3 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (NIV)

Good Communication

Good communication consists of being able to effectively express what’s happening and actually deal with the problems. It involves actively tuning in as a receiver and as a sender. It requires effort and a commitment to make the marriage work. There are several models that help with good communication. Here are two of them.
Speaker-Listener Model

This model focuses on developing respect for the other person’s viewpoints. The way it works is that the Speaker gets to share about how he/she is feeling about this particular issue while the Listener is periodically paraphrasing what the Speaker said. Then they switch places and repeat the same thing until they both understand where each other is coming from. The point is to maintain a calm and clear way of communication. This model also suggests that you not be in a hurry to solve the problem right away, but take the time to examine and talk about all angles of this problem (Markman 63-72).

Word Picture Model

Gary Smalley and John Trent in their book The Language of Love talked about using word pictures to increase communication. The premise is that there is a way to bridge that gap between men and women, that gap of communication. The way to do that is to build word pictures, emotional word pictures, to describe how one feels. What are word pictures and how do they work? Word pictures are what I usually call analogies, such as: I feel like a smashed toad stretched out on a highway. Smalley and Trent say that using word pictures at the right time and with the right intentions can trigger a deep understanding of issues when mere words don't.

For example, Smalley talked about how he asked his wife to write a chapter in a book he was writing. She kept avoiding writing it and they had some arguments about that. Eventually she used a word picture of her daily life being like a hike up some hills with a twenty pound pack on - something she enjoyed. However, being asked to write this chapter was like being asked to climb those hills and climb the local mountain. That picture allowed her husband to see the pressure that this added to her life and he let her off the hook. Communication had occurred. (Funny thing though, once the pressure was off, she wrote the chapter).

Create an environment for good communication

In Making Love Last Forever, Smalley talks about different levels of communication, from the simple clichés to the deep emotional word pictures. One level or technique is to have a constitution with the “most important things you and your loved ones want out of your relationship every day. It objectifies your feelings and needs, and it sets guidelines for your family…” (147). This technique allows you to sit down state what you want out of the relationship. This sets up something that you both agree on and can point back to in order to solve a problem.

This sets forth a principle of creating an environment that encourages good communication. One of the first things to do in order to have good communication is to make a commitment that both of you are going to make this marriage work no matter what. That gives security to the relationship. Another action is to make a commitment to active listening. One more basic commitment is to agree to respect the other person in the middle of disagreement.

Conclusion

We’ve looked at several ways of keeping communication open in marriage. This is extremely important in order to keep a marriage alive. It’s the vehicle that keeps one from becoming selfish and unappreciative to one’s mate. Communication is work and one should expect to put effort into this, but the rewards are worthwhile. Don’t give up.

Bibliography

__. The Holy Bible: The New International Version. Zondervan : Grand Rapids, MI. 1984

Collins, Gary R. Ph.D. Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide. Revised Edition. W Publishing Group. 1988.

Markman, Howard, Scott Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg. Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love. Jossey-Bass : San Francisco. 1994.

Smalley, Gary. Making Love Last Forever. Word : Dallas. 1996. 141-158

Smalley, Gary and John Trent, Ph.D. The Language of Love: How to Quickly Comminicate Your Feelings and Needs. Tyndale : Whaton, IL. 1991

This is the current state of my table. I am writing my marriage and family paper on communication. After this paper i have a final and them another paper to write. Then i shall be done until the future possible masters.

I just made a trip to St. Vincent DePaul. I was originally looking for games, but they didn't have any I wanted. So I browsed a little. I found this very interesting looking book. The cover is wood, with the words in an asian language stamped on the outside. (On the left). Inside the first page is a plastic leaf with letters printed on a page inside (Below).















Most of the pages are blank except for the edges (left). The first three are handwritten on (Below left for example).

It looks like it is machine made, but I can't really tell because I have no experience with these things.

Regardless, it's a curiosity and I would be interested in knowing what language is used here.

What happens when you sit down to research a paper and get so interested in a book that you read it cover to cover? One result is that you actually get the whole point of the book rather than just searching for good quotables. Another is that you actually learn something. This just happened with my research for a Marriage and Family paper. I picked up Gary Smalley and John Trent's book The Language of Love and it really piqued my interest.

The premise is that there is a way to bridge that gap between men and women, that gap of communication. The way to do that is to build word pictures, emotional word pictures, to describe how one feels. What are word pictures and how do they work? Word pictures are what I usually call analogies, such as I feel like a smashed toad stretched out on a highway. Smalley and Trent say that using word pictures at the right time and with the right intentions can trigger a deep understanding of issues when mere words don't.

For example, Smalley talked about how he asked his wife to write a chapter in a book he was writing. She kept avoiding writing it and they had some arguements about that. Eventually she used a word picture of her daily life being like a hike up some hills with a twenty pound pack on - something she enjoyed. However, being asked to write this chapter was like being asked to climb those hills and climb the local mountain. That picture allowed her husband to see the pressure that this added to her life and he let her off the hook. Communication had ocurred. (funny thing though, once the pressure was off, she wrote the chapter *grins*).

The first half of the book explores how to discover word pictures and use them, mostly in marriage. Then the authors begin to talk about how word pictures improve communication in any setting, ie. business, friends, and parent-child relationships. A word picture, if chosen correctly, can get through to a stubborn adolescent when a lecture won't help.

One of the ways to make a word picture is to choose one that relates to the person who you're talking to. For example, I wouldn't use a sports related word picture with my dad 'cause sports evokes negative feelings in him. I would rather use a farming or pastoral word picture to get my feelings across. Timing is also important. Don't just use it in the middle of an arguement or while the person is doing what you don't like. Practice it and use it when it'll be most effective.

Lastly, word pictures can be used incorrectly and can tear down rather than build up. Comparing a child to an accident waiting to happen or telling them that they'd always be a fourth string player is emotionally damaging. Be careful about how you use word pictures.

Word pictures can be very useful in a marriage or in any type of relationship where you need to communicate. As in most communication, thinking before you use them is needed.

After reading this book, I think I'm going to be more conscious in using word pictures. I can already think of a conversation that a word picture would have worked well in.

So yeah, I think I'm adding this to my to-buy list.

Random thoughts:

Listening to: Smallville episode that David is watching. Misc sounds from outside.
Thinking: That I should go read some books on marriage so that I can write my last assignment for that class.
Last thing read: A chapter in the second book of the Firebird trilogy by Kathy Tyers.
Last thing eaten: Do smoothies count as drink or meal? I also had a jerky stick.

Okay, time to do something constructive.