Flower in Shadow

North Falls - Silver Creek

JC - 042608

JC - 042608
Originally uploaded by jcforgod

The things that happen

I don't think a lot of my friends know this, but in march of 2002 I had a cornea transplant (thin membrane over the top of your iris, not the whole eye). That was to take care of the keratoconas in my left eye. The brief explanation is that KC causes your cornea to be cone shaped, like a mountain range, distorting the light and messing up your vision. Very annoying. The way to solve that is to wear a hard contact on your eye to smash that mountain down. Obviously a difficult situation and has caused me issues over the years. When my KC was changing rapidly, my left eye got to the point where a contact couldn't fit comfortably on my eye because the cone became too steep. We ended up going to a cornea specialist and got a transplant done. Since then I haven't had any major issues.

Until recently. Some of you know that a couple weeks, actually three or four weeks ago, I went in to the urgent care with red eye. They diagnosed conjuctivitis and prescribed an ointment. This turned out to not work and I went into the opthamologist on Monday and discovered an abrasion. Some antibiotic/steroid drops and it healed in a week. Well a couple weeks or so later I discovered bad vision and went into the doc. Another abrasion in about the same spot. A cannon antibiotic over the weekend seemed to take of it, but that Monday (actually, this last monday) he looked at it and was concerned about rejection (that my body was trying to reject the transplant). Steroid drops and see you on Wed. On Wednesday I seemed to be getting better and he just had me continue with the drops. Friday, yesterday, I go in for a
check up and he really doesn't like what he sees. Next step is to get an IV of steroids. So I go down to urgent care and get that done. Now I'm on the drops every hour and am just praying hard.

Work has been quite understanding about this. As long as I've been keeping them informed, they are working with me. I have some good managers and coworkers.

The interesting thing about this is that I could be extremely worried. It is the vision in my left eye that could be damaged after all! However, I have had a peace about this, a knowledge that God has me in His Hands and that this trial will be used for the glory of God. Even though this is messing up my financial situation, that I've had to miss work ALOT, that this does suck, I know that God is in control and cares for me and my needs.

I have watched Him in other people's lives and have seen Him bring them through medical conditions, seen the way their faith is strengthened, and I have seen His Name glorified. And really, that's what we're hear for, to see the Name of God high and lifted up!

I also know the value of prayer and am asking for it right now.
Pray that my body will not reject this transplant
Pray that the doctor will have wisdom from above in how to deal with this thing.
Pray that God will heal it fast and that there will be no doubt that it is Him
Pray for finances, that the money will come in to pay for this and other medical and car related expenses
Pray that God will continue to work in my heart, bringing me closer and closer to Him
And finally, pray that He will be Glorified through this whole thing!!!

Imagine

I had a dream the other night about Jesus.

I was at my parent's place and we, along with some other people were getting ready for something. It was important, with a sense of urgency. Mom was going crazy, trying to get us ready. Finally we had everything we needed, including Christmas presents.

We trooped upstairs carrying these presents. A man was sitting at the dining room table and I knew it was Jesus. Not your image of a long haired, blue eyed, robe wearing Jesus; not even the more correct image of a Jewish man with a dark complexion. This man was clean cut with a nice shirt and slacks, someone who'd be comfortable in our finest churches. (Yeah, I know, not the normal image we think of, but that was definitely Him in my dream). We set the presents down (they were for Him) and approached Him. He stood up and opened His arms. I hugged Him, crying and saying "I Love You! I Love you so much!" I felt acceptance.

And then the dream was over.

Our God is not some distant person, sitting on a throne, randomly doling out blessings and judgements. He is the God of reality, of relationship. He cares for us personally and individually. You see that all through the Bible, and through his dying on the Cross for us.

Yeah, it was a dream, but He is the type of person who will hold you and hug you and keep you close. He will never forsake you.

How much He loves us

Yes, I know, another video. I'll eventually write something about life right now, but this and the last vid have sort of captured where God has me...

Nothing but the Blood

We've been singing this new version of an old song and I wanted to share.

Let's try this again

Originally uploaded by JBrd

Sleeping kitties make me happy

Makes me want a kitten

Watching old TV

Being sick allows one time to watch movies. Having high speed internet means that I get to watch instantly on Netflix - thus I watched some really bad sci-fi B-Movies and something that made me laugh a lot! Yes, I am discovering Saved By The Bell Season 1 for the first time. I never got to watch it growing up and to now understand some of the cultural references that my friends have made is rewarding. Screech is an amazing character and the ego of Zach is hilarious! It is sort of like a live action Archie comic. Since they are both made in the 80's I wonder where the ideas came from.

Heh.

Learning

I want to thank all of you that have given me input on the last blog (the one I just deleted) and on my mental state of being.

I shouldn't rant and rave like that, especially when I'm in the middle of the negative pity-party. What I should do is reach out personally to someone and let them minister to me.

One of the things I have realized in the last couple of days is that when my focus slips from God to myself and the way I see things, that's when I start to perceive in a skewed fashion. It's like putting on glasses that aren't your prescription-things are messed up. I'll admit it, I made a lousy decision to not go to church. It would have helped to be around people who do care about me and who do love me.

And Jack made a good point: I'm doing something right since I'm being attacked.

So I would urge you, that if you're in that slump of being tired of reaching out and initiating things, don't give up. Refocus on God and let Him be the One to fill you up.

Idols

"You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments."

Exodus 20:3-6

I've been thinking a lot about idolatry and not having other gods besides our Lord. In our modern world there aren't a lot of obvious, bow down and do homage to, type of idols. I haven't seen a temple to Molech or Baal around, but we have different types of idols.

Idolatry is more than building something that we call a god. Idolatry is putting something ahead of God. One of the easiest things to put ahead of God is ourselves, what we want over what God wants. This can be manifested in a multitude of ways, some of which are so subtle we don't realize they are becoming idols.

Here are a few things that I see as possible idols:

• Ministry - putting what you do for God as more important than Him.
• Family - putting the people around you, and their needs ahead of God.
• Finances - worrying about how to pay rent, what the future will bring, allowing money to control you life instead of God.
• Friends - Spending too much time with them, obsessing about issues, the lack of friends, etc.
• Relationships - Allowing that special someone to take all your time, effort, and thoughts.
• Appearance - Being concerned about what others think about how you look to the point of excess.
• TV - Time waster galore. What is more important than sitting in front of the tube?

Now you'll notice that none of these things are bad in and of themselves. It's the excess, the priority of each of these things that make them idols. Really, anything can be an idol. What matters is where God is in all of this stuff.

I've said so much about surrender and letting God be in control of your life. He truly is the owner of our lives and we should live like that.

If there is something that is getting in the way of God being the purpose and the ALL of your life, please, please, please, get rid of it! Yeah, it's hard, and yeah, there is no easy fix when something is an idol, but remember, with God nothing is impossible.

Communication

I've been thinking about Communication lately, what its purpose is, what role it plays in relationships with others and in churches, and why it's so difficult.

First off, what is communication? Dictionary.com says that communication is: the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs. It's taking your thoughts, your ideas, and your opinions and expressing them outside of your head. It can be by writing a blog, by writing a card or letter, by calling someone, by going for coffee, a multitude of things that have one thing in common: It's outside of your head.

There are real problems with effectively communicating what goes through our head. We can be scared, feel like what we say is ineffective, that we're not being listened to, that we don't want to hurt feelings, that there are barriers of all sorts set up against us. These can be legitimate concerns. As humans, we don't communicate well. Listening, expressing what we hear back to the other person, even acting on what is communicated, is extremely tough. And every time we're not listened to, when someone blows us off and totally ignores us, we can think that what we have to say is worthless. Then, if we need to say something to either the same person or someone else, we have that previous experience(s) hanging over us.

We can't let these things stop us from communicating. In order to live together, both as just being humans, but also as Christians, we have to break past barriers in order to communicate Jesus and his love with others. Dealing with issues is one of the communication problems that we don't handle so well.

We've all seen it, churches torn apart because people either don't communicate and deal with the issues or they communicate lies. Instead of viewing each other through God's eyes, communicating through love and acceptance instead of hurt and anger, we wall up and let little things bother us. Those little things fester and start to add up. And then either the people quit coming, disappearing without talking about what's going on, or they start sowing seeds of dissension.

It takes guts to communicate problems. Especially when you're a Christian. You want to do it in love and you want to be tactful. So here's the dilemma - how long do you wait to discuss an issue?

Obviously, prayer is important. Without God's input, without knowing what He desires, we can't effectively communicate what's going on. Filtering that issue through the Word, and through Him is vital. Sometimes, we don't have to say anything because it's our issue and God points it out to us. Other times it is something that has to be talked through and dealt with.

Timing is important as well. This is where we need to have a sense of what God wants. This is also where we watch what's happening in the other person's life. This is where we need to be careful.

Being tactful is another important aspect of dealing with issues. Don't just flat out, in a blustery, harsh manner say what your problem is. No, do this right, do it in a loving manner, a kind manner, being willing to hear the other side.

Listen to what the person has to say and be willing to compromise and work through things. If we're not willing to change, then how can we expect others to change?

Don't expect quick fixes.

That's the confrontation side of communication.

If we are going to show the love of God to the world, we have to learn to communicate. What we say matters. For some of us, it means shutting up, letting others talk and only talking when we can say something of importance. For others, it's being bold, being willing, even if we're not completely sure of what we're going to say, to speak up, opening our mouths and letting our thoughts spill out.

My challenge to you is to communicate. Don't let issues get in the way of connecting with each other and with God. There is a lot out there for us and we can enjoy it together.

Just so you all know, if you are in a picture I post and don't like it or don't like me posting a picture of you, please tell me. Thanks - jc

Details

Okay, Heidi, I'll post some details about the car.

It's a '96 Honda Civic LX, 4-door sedan. 135000 miles on it. Tires are probably going to need replacing by the end of the year. Otherwise it's in good shape.

Last week I was looking at craigslist, watching the cars. I kept seeing this car coming up. Three postings, two that showed the Duck stuff. I kept thinking that it was a good car, but I didn't think I could handle the duck stuff. Finally I emailed the guy and got his number. I was at Jason's for a Super Bowl party (BTW, when a SB party turns into a worship session, you know it's a good party!) and found out that the car was just around the corner. Isaac and Heather took me over and we looked at it. I then called the guy and test drove it. I liked it a lot and prayed about it that night.

I made the decision Monday morning to buy it. Laura, a friend of mine from Alaska got to drive me around to the credit union and see what it takes to get a loan. That was exciting.

I've been enjoying having a good car for a change. I have music now!! So happy.

New Car